Heartbreak

i have never missed you more.

i will sit in class and hear the drone of secants and cosine x. tangent and quadrants. it makes no sense. i am consumed still, by the thought of you. my friends sit and whisper gossip, they try to interest me but they stop when my face is in my hands. i am so upset, i want the rest of the world to stop. they can tell.

the students amass. it is loud, it is civil, but still there is no order. they kiss; everyone. they hold eachother so tight, but you can see it in the eyes, she is being wasted and used. i am thinking of you. every love you i’ve ever claimed is earnest. i have never meant anything more.

i am on the verge of tears. i find my desk and lower my head into crossed arms. i am hungry, but i dont want food. i want you. my lips are chapped. they bleed. my mouth is dry. i dont need water. i need you. the headaches strain and tug at the back of my head. i need more sleep. you dont know that i am up every night. i wake up, constantly. hoping you’ve left me something, anywhere. i dont want sleep. i want you. like im obsessed. like i need to be immersed in everything about you. my teachers yell and my friends interrogate.
“you have one of those looks.” i dont respond. i dont want to talk. i want you.

-anonymous