Never Ever There

Sometimes I find myself searching...
my lips move funny and then I feel the words spill out
..come out, come out
And so I walk down the hallway
and my fingers drag against the wall...
grainy textures...
For a second I'm happy to be reminded I can feel.
At least that.
'Cause the hallway never ends.
and every corridor,
every turn
every door knob,
every room.
Never leads to you.
Sometimes I wish I could yell
times up...
Maybe you'd reappear.
And so then I get excited that perhaps
it means I'm almost near...
So I sprint to the first door,
swing it open and before I think, I say
"There You..."

But I freeze.

...'Cause you're never there.

And so i place my hands together
humbly exit
and get real quiet.
Thinking if you see me so discouraged,
or if you catch a tear,
You'd come out and let me feel.
You...
But you won't.

...'Cause you're never there.

So I go about in this empty house...
and let my eyes wander.
Last time I stared so hard
I even let the water boil over.
When I'm in bed, staring at the ceiling.
I swear I hear the front door's lock turn over.
But when I wait for your touch to meet my arm.
It never happens.

...'Cause you're never there.

When my eyes shut,
Every 15 minutes I open them wide.
Thinking I'll catch you.
Thinking I might discover where you hide.
Inevitably the calender pages get ripped off
month by month.
I realize I'm never winning.
Hide and Seek
But I keep looking.
When it gets dark, I sleep walk
because I can't stop trying.
Irrevocably convinced you're still here.
Forever looking.
I'll never find you.
It's a lonely existence.
Without you.

'Cause you're never

ever

ever

there.