Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Kate on Heartbreak

I received a fortune today which read: "Even on a cloudy day, the sun still rises."
It made me reflect on a personal situation that I'm currently working on. Not a whole lot of our personal life floods the blog. But I think it's only appropriate that sometimes we express our life situations, revelations, and experiences...so that they can serve as a testament to our path through life, along with providing us a little bit of intimacy. 

We meet many wrong people in life. Many. 

It's hard to find valid connections with people now-a-days. It is even harder to discover someone who solves our mysterious interpersonal equation, resulting in inexplicable chemistry. These people, are very rare, and very few. But I guess what I have been discovering with my current situation, is the difficulty in finding someone so right, yet evidently wrong. It's been tough to finally encounter someone who gives me butterflies, and makes me smile with every word, and makes me feel at peace; so super-naturally. Someone who allows your heart to let out a sigh of relief. It's been really hard... because he doesn't feel the same way. I can't say no harm in this case...but definitely no foul. I'm in pain, but I'm not suffering. My feelings are only mine, and I understand that his are only his. I know that heartache doesn't go away in a day, and there's no sense in hoping that some miraculous force will make it all better. Acceptance. After that, a little time, and a lot of music. Luckily, I am very aware. I'm thankful that this connection has made me discover what it is to feel so sure about someone. I know that "I'll find the right one eventually"...but, what if when you do find the right one, you're not the right one for him?  Well that's fine. Keep moving. I think we can fall in love numerous amounts of times throughout life. I am not in love with this person. But I do know the way he makes me feel is different. Indescribable. Refreshing. New. And so truthfully, I think at this moment, I might be more amazed with the way I'm feeling about this person, rather than the actual person. Although, he is amazing. I acknowledge that he doesn't feel the same way, and I completely understand. It is unfortunate, but it's O.K. This isn't some immature tirade about "Why doesn't he want to be with me? blah blah blah." I know that love isn't only about finding someone, and feeling this way about them; but finding the person that reciprocates the way I feel. I only wanted to share this because it's a new life experience I am going through...and not one that I am confused by, just a new chapter I'm starting to read, and trying to get done with. I figured I'd read it aloud. Sometimes, it settles in better that way. I think it's good to reflect on all the little quirks of fate, because we will continue to experience them our whole lives. Most importantly, it makes me smile, being able to give my heart a voice. After all, the heart in itself is so amazing. So "Even on a cloudy day, the sun rises" is exact. Despite an unfortunate circumstance, I'm still here, and I'm still alright. I still get up in the morning, I'm still working, still smiling, still laughing. I am very much proud of the power of my emotions...they are beautiful. I love, that I still can feel so much love and I commend my heart for it's devotion to this person, and remain looking forward to meeting the next person it'll unlock for. 

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